Nurturing tomorrow's heroes!
Character Development - Self-Control
Index
Introduction
We all want our kids to grow up to be responsible, successful adults. One of the most important skills that contributes to that is self-control.
Self-control is the ability to monitor and manage thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to achieve long-term goals, even in the face of temptations or impulses. Teaching kids self-control early on sets them up for success later in life.
In this blog post, we’ll cover simple, practical tips parents can use to teach self-control and why it’s so beneficial for development. Think of self-control as a muscle – the more kids practice it, the stronger it gets over time.
What is Self-Control and Why It Matters
Self-control is hugely important not only for success in life, but for following godly principles. The Bible clearly extols the virtues of self-control and teaches that it should be actively developed.
Self-control, or temperance, is the ability to control one’s desires, emotions, and behaviors in order to avoid excess and sin and live a righteous life. As Proverbs 25:28 states, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” Self-control keeps destructive impulses and temptations at bay.
The Bible emphasizes self-control as a component of the fruit of the Spirit, writing “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23). By manifesting self-control through the Spirit, Christians withstand earthly sins and corrupt desires.
Additionally, self-control lends itself to wisdom, as stated in Proverbs 13:3 – “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.” With temperance over one’s speech, actions, and appetites, one can make level-headed decisions, prospering themselves and exemplifying virtues.
As Titus 2:11-12 proclaims more broadly, “For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.” Our Lord sets expectations of self-governance over fleshly whims, instead upholding moral fortitude.
By teaching children self-restraint, parents thus equip them to lead more spiritual, ethical lives while resisting society’s temptations – granting them the best opportunity to walk uprightly with the Lord.
Tips to Teach Young Children Self-Control
Preschool aged kids are still developing cognitively and emotionally. Their brains are still wiring neural connections that assist with self-regulation. As a parent, you can help build this “self-control muscle” with fun, simple activities.
Practical Activities:
- Play games that require waiting for a turn patiently. As kids resist the urge for instant gratification, praise them for waiting properly. Over time, increase the waiting period.
- Do breathing or counting exercises when they start feeling frustrated or having a tantrum. This teaches them to calm themselves.
- Use a visual timer when allowing screen time or eating treats. Have kids stop the activity when the timer goes off, praising their ability to self-regulate. Slowly increase timer durations.
- Offer rewards for accomplishing chores or objectives that require sustained focus and effort over time. This reinforces persistence and self-discipline.
The key is being consistent with these self-control building activities and offering recognition of desired behaviors.
Building Self-Control in Older Kids
As kids grow into preteens and teenagers, here are effective ways parents can further develop their capacity for self-regulation.
Practical Activities:
- Make contracts or written agreements defining expectations around device usage, outings with friends, or financial expenditures. The act of writing specifics down facilitates self-control and accountability.
- Openly discuss temptations they’ll face regarding risky behaviors like substance abuse. Brainstorm strategies to avoid or deal appropriately with peer pressure. These conversations demonstrate you trust their ability to make smart choices.
- Allow freedom to make minor daily decisions around scheduling, assignments, clothing, or hobbies. Permit them to learn from smaller mistakes rather than dictating every detail. Self-governance builds maturity.
- Share your own struggles with self-discipline around health, work, or finances. When kids see parents self-regulating imperfectly but consistently, it powerfully motivates them to do the same.
Make It a Family Affair
- Institute screen free times where the whole family reads or plays board games together. Keeping everyone’s devices out of sight reduces distractions and models self-control.
- Cook healthy recipes as a family and praise each other for eating smart. Restricting junk food intake collectively requires discipline all can share in.
- Set unified wake up times or learning periods where everyone focuses quietly on reading or work. Hold each other accountable kindly if concentration wavers.
By making self-control practices a regular part of family culture, parents strengthen the muscle for themselves alongside providing an environment for kids to consistently build the skill too.
Benefits for Life Success
Research clearly correlates childhood self-discipline with positive outcomes down the road. Here’s a brief overview:
- Better health – Self-control over eating, sleeping, and activity habits prevents obesity, addiction, disease risks
- Financial stability – Impulse control with personal budgets means smarter savings and investment decisions
- Deeper connections – Regulating emotions allows for meaningful, lasting relationships free of drama
- Greater purpose – Delayed gratification in pursuing education, skill building, and careers unlocks achievements
Conclusion
Cultivating self-control is no easy task, but through God’s strength, grace, and scripture as our guide, we can overcome human desires and indulgences that lead us into sin.
As the Lord himself showed restraint against earthly kingdoms, denying Satan’s promises of power and glory, so too can parents set an example for children by demonstrating temperance in their own lives.
Then by patiently instructing kids in the biblical principles of self-regulation with loving accountability, parents grant them the tools to honor the Lord and resist the impulses of the world.
For the Bible promises that by living self-controlled, upright lives we become beacons drawing others to see God’s glory manifest in us through the fruit of unwavering faith and spiritual fortitude.
There is no greater gift parents can then provide children than equipping them to walk in the light and self-possession of God’s holy calling.
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